she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
