jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
my liver is dry heaving
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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