So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
