I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
