someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
