I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
