Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
