he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
