I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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