gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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