ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
