I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
