I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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