In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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