a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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