I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's official drugs can't kill me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
