her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
