my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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