Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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