did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
