The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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