dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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