I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
