Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
