So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
