I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
