dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
