Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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