dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
