Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
