Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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