Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
