someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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