Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
