the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I puked a lego.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
