I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
