remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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