I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
