Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
