if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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