He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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