Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
