super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
