It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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