I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
