things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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