Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
