I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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