I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
