YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
