I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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