Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
